Category Archives: family

Celebrating Hispanic History Month? Read This!

Hispanic Heritage Month starts tomorrow, September 15th through October 15th. It was set during this

time as many Latin American countries celebrate their independence sometime during that period. (But not ALL countries do, and my own country, although part of Latin America, it’s still a US colony, so no independence yet for us.) Here are a few notes for those of you who want to observe this celebration in your agencies, groups, churches, clubs, etc.:

– The name of the heritage month is “Hispanic” Heritage Month. We didn’t select it, it does not represent the entirety of the communities, and not all Latinos are Hispanic, etc. …. BUT… it’s the name of the month as it was instituted by the USA federal government. Don’t come up with other names that do not represent the history of our struggle and the history of how this heritage month came to be. That doesn’t stop all of us from advocating for a change. Using the official name as it is right now just helps maintain a connection with our past as we move forward. The most important thing you can do is to add descriptions of the communities you want to celebrate. For instance: “This Hispanic Heritage Month, our agency wants to highlight the contributions of Indigenous and Black people of Latin America by offering x, y, z.” Hopefully, one day — and as a result of our collective advocacy — this will be “Latin America Heritage Month.”

– Although all Mexicans are Latinos/as/xs not all Latinos/as/xs are Mexican. This is the most visible ethnic Latin group in our region, but we can say something similar, with other communities, in other locations. Please know that our community is diverse. When you organize your agency’s HHM celebration around one cultural tradition only, you are telling me two things. First, you don’t care about me as a Latino with roots in a different culture than the one you’re highlighting. Second, you don’t know much about our communities or your own communities, where people might come from any of the many Latin American countries.

– Please, make your celebrations as broad and inclusive as possible! Not all Latin people speak Spanish. Some Latin folk speak English as their primary language. French, Creole, Portuguese, and hundreds of indigenous languages are also Latin American languages and cultures. Keep that in mind, especially when trying to highlight the communities in your area. Don’t patronize us by haphazardly translating things into Spanish with Google translate. Also, be carful with asking a heritage speaker to do the translation! Spanish alone has so many dialects, and many heritage speakers learned from their parents who might not have had the opportunities to have formal education, and thus, do not know the intricacies and nuance of the different dialects. Usually, they have very regional dialects which might hinder clear communication with people from outside their regions. Moreover, heritage speakers — who must be celebrated for their work to preserve the language — are most familiar with spoken Spanish, and not with written Spanish. Celebrate diversity in speech and dialects, but also recognize that there is a standard version of one of our languages — Spanish — that is understood across dialects. Only professional translators who have spent their professional lives doing this will produce good content that is understood across cultures. I also know of a at least another Latin American language, Mayan, that also has many dialects, some of them not even mutually intelligible. So, only translate things when it makes sense for those things to be translated.

– Our music is as diverse as we are. Salsa, tango, merengue, cumbia, bachata, reggaeton, rock en español, plena, and myriad others. Don’t rely only on one type of musical style. HOWEVER, keep in mind that some genres of music — reggaeton which is one my favorite styles, so don’t take this as a negative comment on the genre, and Spanish trap, for instance — contain words or phrases that might be extremely offensive or very vulgar in some dialects. Please vet your music selection with people who speak the dialect of the musician. This way, you will have music that is inviting, instead of having music that might be liked by some people while being offensive to other audiences. Don’t play the music of the popular artist just because they just modeled for Vanity Fair (ha! Some of you will get the reference… and also, I love BB’s social commentary and some of his music, so don’t come for me. I am just using some general examples.) Every time I hear reggaeton music with vulgarity in its lyrics playing at supposedly “family friendly” event sponsored by an organization, I know the people there do not know my dialect and the cultural nuance of the use of curse words and vulgarity across different Latin American cultures. Again, vet your music selection with the people who speak the dialect of the singer.

– Look for as much representation of Latin American cuisine as possible! Generally speaking, south of the middle of Central America, no Latino cuisine uses hot spicy chiles! Perhaps your Argentinian best friend loves hot spicy food, or your Cuban spouse does; but that doesn’t mean Argentinian or Cuban cuisines are spicy hot cuisines. The staples of our cuisines vary also. Of course you are very familiar with the Mexican tortilla. But, did you know the Central American tortillas are thicker and don’t compare with the Mexican ones? Did you know that plantains are the staples of Spanish and Black Caribbean cuisine and that we never, ever use tortillas in our dishes? Did you know that in most South American countries bread is king? Also, find local Latin American restaurants of ALL types of cuisines, not just one. Around the area where I live in Pierce County and south King County in the state of Washington, for instance, there are Peruvian, Puerto Rican, Salvadoran, Argentinian, Colombian, Guatemalan, and Honduran restaurants. Order from them!

– Latinoness does not equal immigration. Do not center your events only on immigration issues! Sure,

that is the biggest reality of our community. But Puerto Ricans are Latino/a/x and we — on paper — do not face this challenge. Cubans and Venezuelans also do not face these challenges in the same way. Tejanos, Californios, Nuevo Mejicanos… and many other groups of Latin folk from the lands stolen from México are as Latino/a/x as we are and they do not face immigration challenges. Expand the issues you work on and you highlight in your celebrations. We have other challenges as well, such as lack of access to well paid jobs, racial and ethnic discrimination, anti-Blackness, lack of access to stable housing, etc. Additionally, we are not our challenges! We have contributed tremendously to USAmerican culture from the very beginning. Celebrate ALL of our contributions also, and don’t see us merely as recipients of your charity.

– Latinidad is not race. Mestizaje is not the only expression of Latinidad. Indigenous peoples are still here and thriving throughout Latin America and many of them here in the USA in spite of the many ways we have tried to erase them and their cultures. Black Latinos/as/xs exist… and they come from every single country in our beloved continent. Highlight their influence, their contributions, their resiliency and their Latinidad! Asian Latinos/as/xs also exist! Their contributions to our histories, cuisine, cultures, music, etc., is undeniable. Plus, Asian-Latino cuisine is the best. Ask any Peruvian! Don’t hide this rich history! Latin folk of Arab and North African heritage also exist! And when it comes to religion, at least two Latin American countries are almost majority Evangelical/Protestant: Guatemala and Puerto Rico. Don’t assume we are all familiar with Roman Catholic traditions and rituals. Almost half of Latin folk in the USA are Protestants or Evangelicals, and there are many, MANY Latin folk of other religious traditions: Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Spiritists, Santeros, Vodoo practitioners, atheists, agnostics, and everything you can think of.

– This note is for my Latino/a/x siblings: pay attention and be in solidarity! Who is not being represented and who is being left out? Are you an advocate for ALL of our cultures and traditions? Are you calling folk in to reflect on how they have centered only your or my culture and not the cultures of the other Latin folk who live in our communities? Speak up and advocate for each other as you also celebrate your own individual cultural heritage. It’s all about celebrating our diversity, not helping the people and institutions with power blend us into one thing. Make ’em learn about us! Don’t conform to their expectations!

– When in doubt: ASK!!!! Ask your colleagues what would be meaningful for them. If they are all from one single heritage, honor that and also, seek out others in your community from other cultural backgrounds so you can be more inclusive. We LOVE sharing our traditions, our stories, our cultures, our foods, our memories of back home, our histories, etc. Invite us to be partners in the celebration, and don’t do something for us, do it WITH us.

Have a wonderful celebration of Hispanic Heritage Month and remember we are still here after October 15th!

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Filed under Afro-Latino, celebrations, cultural celebrations, Culture, Español, ethnicity, familia, family, Heritage, Hispanic Heritage Month, Hispanics, Hispanidad, Hispanos, History, Humanity, Identidad, Identity, immigration, justice, Latinidad, Latino, race, racism, Sociology, tradiciones, United States, USA

Grieving the Loss of a Pet Companion

In 2009 I was living in the Upper West Side neighborhood of New York City while serving a congregation there. My then-partner and I had some fish as pets. In my childhood, I was allergic to cats, and although not super allergic, it was of enough concern that we never had cats in our home. However, cats have always been my favorite pets. One day, I walked to the pet store to get some food and other supplies for my pet fish and discovered that the pet shop was having an adoption event for rescued cats. That single visit to the pet shop changed my life in ways I am just now understanding.

I knew that my ex-partner liked cats too. When I saw the little kittens at the pet shop, I couldn’t just ignore them. I approached the kittens and they all jumped to greet me… except for one little, shy kitty that stayed behind. After playing with the kittens a little bit, I approached the solitary kitty on the corner. She looked at me and extended her paw and it was love at first sight. I knew that was going to be my kitty!

Lo and behold, although I was concerned about my childhood allergy, my interactions with the kittens didn’t make me feel as if I was grasping for air. In fact, the reaction was quite mild, especially in comparison to what I experienced as a kid. So, I decided to inquire about the adoption process and within a couple of weeks, I had adopted my very first pet cat.

Her given name was “Suzette”, but I couldn’t quite see her with that name. I decided to give her a more Latina name… after all, they told me they had rescued her from the streets of The Bronx! What Bronx cat is called “Suzette”? I also didn’t want to go too far off from the name she was probably starting to understand (she was between 9-10 months when I adopted her.) I remembered a comedy character from a TV show back home, called “Susa.” Puerto Rican comedian Carmen Nydia Velázquez impersonated the character of Jesusa Cruz Avilés, and Susa, for short. Her character was funny, and I thought that my little kitty deserved a Latina name that had some sort of connection to who I am. So, I decided to do what any other Latino parent would do, give her a proper, Latina name. Since I was a parish pastor at the time, it made sense to give her a proper, Christian name also. And thus Jesusa María de los Ángeles Madej-Santiago, Susa, for short. (Madej is my ex-partner’s last name, and since we adopted Susa together, it was appropriate to give her his name.)

In New York City, I lived in an apartment with a very long hall. Susa would run and slide on that hall and have the time of her life. She never once destroyed any of the Christmas trees I had, but she loved munching on the many plants around any of the places I’ve lived. She wasn’t the most social of kitties, but she loved sitting on my lap whenever I picked up a book and started reading.

Susa was with me at some of the most important or difficult times in my life. She was there to support me when my ex and I separated. I drove with her from New York City to Seattle when I first moved to Washington. She was there with me on the road again as I moved to Madison, Wisconsin, and then back to Tacoma, Washington. Susa was the first living being that met my now husband. She was there when we got married. Susa was also with me when I was diagnosed with cancer.

Some folks say that animals, and especially cats, can’t be too intelligent. I’ve even heard people say that cats are not intelligent at all. But I beg to differ. When I was diagnosed with cancer, and whenever depression was taking over me, Susa would feel it. She would come and cuddle with me, even though she wasn’t social. She sensed my pain, and she would extend her paw as if to caress and comfort me. She also hated when I traveled. I remember once when I went on a short trip. When I opened to door of the apartment, Susa was there, sitting as if waiting for me to come home. Once I entered and greeted her, she looked at me, put her nose up, and walked away not to see her again in two whole days! I knew she had not run away because her food bowl would be empty every morning. I also remember the one time she refused to eat her dry food because it was not the right shape. Yup, she stayed without food for two days until I went back to the store and got her the shape she liked, even though the food I had fed her was the exact same brand.

When my husband and I bought our home in Tacoma, it was the first time Susa had a backyard and plenty of room to play. On sunny days – whether it was cold or warm – she would beg for us to open the door to the backyard. Our home has a little pet door that goes to the backyard, but Susa never wanted to learn how to use it, no matter how much I tried to teach her. But, she would beg to be let out… and then, if it was cold, wanted to be let in once again five minutes later. On sunny and warm days, though, she would sit under the sun and sunbathe for hours. She would play hunt – never actually hunting anything – and entertain herself in the backyard.

Grieving the loss of my beloved pet companion has been an extremely difficult thing. Although I had seen how she was deteriorating, and I knew that her time in this world was coming to a close, I was not prepared for the pain that is losing a pet companion. Since I had the make the extremely difficult decision to end her life, I have not stopped crying, feeling guilty about the things I could’ve done, or thinking about how I could have saved her. The truth is that none of this is true; I couldn’t have done much to save her. But our minds play tricks on us, trying to get us to change the painful reality before us.

Some of my readers know that in my previous professional life, I was a mainline Protestant Christian minister. During my seminary training, I took a whole course on bereavement and in spiritual counseling to those who have experienced loss. During my chaplaincy internship (Clinical Pastoral Education), I even held the hands of people as they breathed their last breath. I accompanied an elderly woman to say goodbye to her husband of over 50 years in a hospital morgue. My experience accompanying those who are mourning is extensive, as I served over 15 years in ministry. And yet, I was not prepared to experience it myself. In my head, I have all the knowledge to navigate this mourning; but in my heart, everything I was taught to recognize and help others navigate through, is dominating my emotions right now. It is an intense, human experience that I on a conscious level am grateful to have as a human being, and on a heart level I can’t fathom that such pain can exist.

Mourning and grieving are different for every person. Mourning and grieving the loss of a pet is a completely different thing. I was never prepared to work with people who have lost a pet. It is also true that every person’s relationship with their pets is different. In my case, Susa was not only a pet companion, but she was also a therapy pet, who accompanied me through some very difficult life situations. The other day, we picked up Susa’s ashes from the veterinary’s office. They put her ashes in an engraved little box. The vet technician had kept Susa’s collar and nametag. I so much appreciated this simple gesture. I added Susa’s nametag to my keychain so she can always be near me. I put the ashes on the chimney mantle and placed her collar on top. I accept that she is gone from this physical reality; and accept that, for as long as I live and are able to, I will remember her. My husband has been instrumental in helping me navigate this loss. He is also hurting and mourning, but his relationship with Susa was slightly different, so he has been able to stay stronger and offer me the support I need as I grieve. I am also grateful for the support and words of encouragement of friends and family. My mom has called pretty much every day as she knows me very well and knows I was going to take a bit longer to process the loss. Even writing this piece has been healing. It took me three days to work through all my thoughts and elaborate on them here, and I am sure some of it reads like a ramble. But in the end, even with the pian of the loss, I am at peace.

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Filed under familia, family, Grief, Home, Pets